Ahhhh, I’ve been and gone and done it again…
Since the age of maybe 17 I have split myself in sections, then get so stressed out trying to work out who I am today I destroy the splits in a flame of ‘are you sure you want to delete this profile’, or better yet up sticks to another county, and try and draw it all together again. I do wonder in my old age if it is something I should have looked into more when I was younger, instead of wash, rinse, repeat.
So far I’ve had LaFink, DeBloyce, Finky, Scarlet, Red, Michelle, Daisy, Antique Adora, Squeeb Creative… There are a fair few I’ve forgotten, or chosen to anyway!
I guess deep down I’m just not content with myself, plus the fact I jump from craft to hobby to craft I find it hard to keep all in as one person, and on Instagram and other media I’m guessing it comes across as a bit manic, maybe. So if I split myself, maybe it’s easier… It’s not. I’m writing this to tell myself, it’s not. I’ve made so many websites, wasted so much time, been so unhappy. It ruins the fun of making anything too, I start seeing it as a business and think I should sell it… Then get despondent when my little piss drip in the sea doesn’t get noticed on social media. Run away, delete the evidence. I’ve been thinking if I just stayed the same person I was when I was a MySpace musician (yes, I’m that old) I would have a lot of online ‘friends’ still, I’ve lost so many by stupidly putting a b#mb under it and deleting profiles left right and centre. I actually genuinely miss some of them.
I’m hoping in admitting what I’m doing might just stop me doing it again. I’m too goddamn tired to start with another name. I’m certainly too tired to split myself again. so I’m just going to have to get on with it, and just let the craft do it’s thing. I might even start enjoying life again! Painting just for painting, who would have thought you could do that huh! I hope to god I don’t get back into the music again, too many wires. Mind you do we have wireless recording now? Sign me up! In fact I’m not even sure where my guitars are. Being in the middle of a renovation you start to lose track with who’s guarding what.
Anyway, Shelly, don’t do it again, I’m bored of you. You’re too old for this shit, pull your pants up and accept yourself as the kooky little weirdo you always have been.
Viva The Real Ghostbusters.